Yesterday night was spent taking a long hard look at how often I miss the mark. Those times are magnified best when looking at my relationship. The phrase "those who love you most reveal the most about you" is tired...but I cannot overlook its truth.
My first post of all time was the mushy gush stuff about how much I love my hubby to be. Head over heels, can't believe he's mine, look at him and get butterflies; it's that kind of thing. Because I have this feeling (well, most of the time,) I often try to let him know just how much I love him through actions. I'd like to think i'm pretty creative, so this part of the relationship I so humbly think "I've got in the bag," that I love him so much that I have reached a point of knowing his needs and how to please him. God has a funny way of setting me straight sometimes. I was reminded of a very specific time that showed me head on "YOU CANNOT PLEASE ME."
I know it sounds harsh, but here it goes: During my nightly routine one night, I realized I had ran out of my face lotion. I have sensitive skin, so I stick to the basic stuff that smells like powder and grandmothers. Sleeping without lotion is not an option, so I grabbed my roommates face cream, applied as usual, and plopped down in my bed. As Oj was about to walk home, he kissed me good nignt and on his way out he said "Your face smells great." Romantic, I know. Well, me being me took that and ran with it. I asked my roommate in the morning where she gets her lotion. She let me know she can only buy it back home, so without another breath I handed her the forty three dollars (don't shake your head at me..) and awaited my lotion despite the rash that may accompany it- just to please the nostrils of my boy.
The next night I smiled in the shower, looking forward to my nightly routine. As I washed my face and put on my toner, I was glowing to know that I was changed a minor detail so that he would be happy! I crawled under my covers, he came to kiss me good night, and as he lifted his face from mine he said "Ugh. Your face smells like beer."
And that is just it.
Un-please-able! I will never get it. Same face, same forty three dollar lotion, same rash in the morning, to smell like beer!! Thinking about that now that it has been a year and the heartache has passed honestly made me laugh out loud. I am never going to fully satisfy the man I love, no matter how hard I try. And the best part about it is that I wasn't intended to! Whenever I forget that, the Lord reminds me. He made us un-please-able so that we will always turn to Him when someone isn't fulfilling us. They can't. He will always be pleased by my lotion, powder or beer.