I am currently in a state of counting down the seconds til' the end of school. That is how I approach every flight and every long class Tuesday: "I'm almost done and then I get to go home and I'm one week closer to being finished with school." This sort of outlook has given me a serious case of anxiety and antsy-ness. My nature has always been one of distraction: when I am sitting in class I'm tapping my fingers thinking I should be at the gym. When I'm working out I'm thinking I should be doing homework. When I sit down for lunch I'm thinking I should be organizing the house...you get the picture.
Talking to my husband about this last week, he reminded me that if God wanted me to be doing anything else, I would be doing it. This is just the phase of life I am in, and if he has me here...I better live in the moment to experience what He has me learning. Thinking of these wise words reminded me of last Fall semester...
Last year was a very interesting time in my life. I woke up one day in the summer despising volleyball. I had no love for it anymore, I dreaded playing and practicing every day in preparation for yet another season, and I felt as though my life was going in a different direction. I did not want to quit for four big reasons: 1. I couldn't see myself quitting anything, ever. I was scared I would feel a huge disappointment. 2. I loved my teammates. I had a bond with a few of the girls that was cultivated and grown through blood sweat and tears- going through three hours of pain and perseverance together daily. I was scared I would feel an emptiness. 3. I had been somewhat defined by my athleticism and 'potential.' I do not have the build of any other girl- I am built like She Hulk. I develop muscle mass by combing my hair in the morning...I didn't know what would be the release for my competitive nature and energy. I was scared that I would return to laziness and waste my talent. Lastly, I was on scholarship. My school is very expensive and I know it was a blessing to have a lift in the financial area, I was scared I would become a burden.
A month after all these feelings started swirling inside me, Oshiomogho got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. My first thought: I cannot believe this is happening, I cannot believe I am going to marry my dream! This blessing! Father God, you are so good! I am going to be a wife!!! My second thought: I'm quitting volleyball.
I could not imagine planning a wedding AND going to school AND being committed to volleyball. It was time to let it go. After making the firm decision, I proudly went to my mom to tell her the good news, and she presented me with a gut-wrenching truth: "You need to grow in the area of your faith, every time you see yourself in a scary situation you bail. In my heart of hearts I believe you should play for one more season, then turn in your jersey." I accepted the challenge, and had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Not being able to see my love due to both of us playing a sport in the same season was something I had gotten used to in our relationship, but something about planning a wedding made me want to see his face every second of every day. We had quite the opposite situation actually: we saw each other for one hour a month. One. Hour. A. Month...for four months. This was a huge challenge for both of us, but what was even more challenging was the fact that I did not play in a single game. You heard me. Not a single one. I couldn't travel to see my love because I had practice for three hours 6 days a week...so I was required to work my butt off and focus and play my heart out, knowing in the back of my head that come game day, I would be on the sidelines preparing water cups. It was like a mental game. My husband would be in my state and yet I could not see him because we would be running liners due to lack of focus in practice. BRUTAL.
Throughout that very interesting time, however, I learned much about myself. I had to constantly remind myself to be present in every moment. When I caught myself thinking about wedding plans during practice, an upcoming game in bible study, or homework during my husband's football games, I called myself to attention. It was in that time I learned that time goes by too quickly to wish we were somewhere else. God must want to ingrain this in me, because even after my six month challenge-wishing I was _____ when I was ___, I clearly still have something to learn. I have decided I will learn whatever He wants to teach.
We are where we're supposed to be when we are there for a reason.
Be where you are. You will be somewhere else soon enough. Don't miss this second.